INVISIBILITY

I’m right beside you

I’m relieved, really, I’m not just saying that. It’s good to be ignored, although the specter of the past still exists in some peoples minds.Or, maybe the ghost is in my mind, and I just can’t let it move on. You spend a lot of time with people, the image they leave doesn’t fade over night. It does fade, and change form, evolving, mutating, unreal. It’s up to you to let it go. I hear the blood rushing and my ears ringing. Maybe it’s just the earth moving under my feet.

YOU ARE CLOSER THAN YOU APPEAR

Come on memory loss! Deliver me from my enemies. Use the inevitable dimming of time to move on. To turn the other cheek. To forgive them for their trespasses. I don’t like holding grudges. I need to turn the corner, get them out of my mirrors. Drive myself forward. It’s inhibiting my ability to be present, to spend so much time looking backward. It’s inevitable at this age though, to tot up the pluses and minuses of what you have done, so you can figure out what to do with the time left on the clock. Being driven is a young persons game. You have the energy to burn when you are young. Being closer to departure makes you consider your declining options. I still have options, believe it or not.

TENTATIVE PLANS

The plan as it stands is no plan at all. Nice in theory. There is no quick start guide. Conditions in place will determine the course. Set all the goals you want. Write them down on a piece of paper. You can always forget where the paper is, and discover it later, when it suits your needs. It will be good kindling when you want to start a fire. Start today. You only have today. Don’t let them have your past, the past is yours. Your lived life is their data, reading the herd for harvest later. Choke them out with idea weeds. Your mind plays tricks on you, let it play tricks on them too. A grand design of which you are a part, and only a part.

And that is AIGHT

This history lesson
Doesn't make any sense
In any less than
10, 000 year increments
Common sense
Common sense
Common sense
Common sense
Common sense

The Plan- Built To Spill

songwriter Doug Martsch

Enjoy the moment, sadness will come. The sadness is there like punctuation. It is not everything, even though my Scotch-Irish soul luxuriates in it. It’s my muse, my wing man, my companion. I love it, but I tend to love too much. I love so much that I spread myself thin, and give a little, too much. Leaving us all wanting. But wanting for what, question mark. Ah, my friend. Thanks for asking.

WEAKENING

I’m still strong, but not as strong as I used to be. I’m still weak, but not as weak as I will be. I’m right here beside you, if you know where to look. I know it creeps you out. But I’m not here as a voyeur. I long for the connection, and I know the supply line is long. But it is there.

My friend Grrr told me once that the nature of our friendship was thus: We could not see or hear from each other for decades, but if I showed up on his door unannounced, at any time of the day or night, he would invite me in, get a blanket and pillow, and show me the couch.

I’ve held that close to me for 40 years.

And we still talk. We know where each other lives.

My friend Kent and I have known each other for almost 50 years now.

And we still talk. We know where each other lives.

My bloodline is filled with solitary creatures, confirmed bachelors of all kinds, who are quiet and stay to themselves, but we know where each other lives. And, if any one of us shows up on the doorstep, the doors open, the bedding will be made, and no questions will be asked.

We are cloistered, but our clan is large and welcoming. If you know, you are known.

Just don’t bury me, on the lone prairie. Wrap me in a blanket, or put me in a basket, and return me to the forest, where I can compost the roots of my friends, and feed the creatures that come after me. My light will be elsewhere.

Mark 12:30-31

New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition

³⁰ you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’

³¹ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Gnostic Interpretation: Views this verse as a formula for spiritual transcendence—using the mind for knowledge (gnosis) to escape the material world's entrapment.

Going out to get rid of stuff. Stuff is the trap. Possessions are the anchor, the millstone around your neck. All the mills are closing up. And the grainfields are being subdivided. The millworkers are being deranged. Intentionally. Isolated and fed a toxic cocktail of energy drinks, corporate sports, internet sewage, and other distractions. Anything to divert the attention until the harvest. Hello neo feudalism, with a side dish of online wagering. What is the over/under on your transfer to a work camp? It’s a bad beat. The house always wins. And your betters already own you. Just figure out which warband you will pledge your allegiance.

No matter how invisible you think you are, someone is watching you.

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