Collaborations

Things Work Better When You Share.

Grilling

I like making dinner. I like making dinner with someone else better. Even when it’s two people, or more communal potlucks. Communal is a community word, close to commu nism, or commie as it’s known in the States. All I can do is communicate.

Now that I am not employed by an outside employer, I am now in the category known as a feeder. A taker. An unproductive member of civilization. That demographic that the advertisers don’t value. At all. With my antipathy to sales pitches, it’s a relief to be outside, although there are predators for people my age. Medicare scams, medialert bracelets, I’ve fallen, and I can’t get down.

I do my best to help my life and household partner, otherwise known as my wife of 36 years. She still gets up and goes to work, and I stay home. It’s been an adjustment, but kind of a welcome one. Unexpected, but it has been great to concentrate on maintaining my health, to get away from the stress that working 5 days a week causes just as a matter of course. I’ve been spending a lot of time alone, learning to meditate and grow as a person. To be there for people who care about me. To try and become someone who cares about me. I’m coming to terms with the mistakes I have made, and letting go of the things I can’t control.

Part of the challenge is learning to accept myself, and to ask for things, and to be honest about what I really want. What do I need? I’m not sure. To help? To keep people at a distance so I don’t have to deal. But I do have to deal. We are such social creatures. Even misanthropic people still need people to hate. I am not a misanthropist, even though I appear to be, in some people’s view. I don’t hate people, I just hate you. And I can’t put a name to the face, so I probably don’t think about you much. But I digress.

I love to play a role. I don’t need to get credit for it. I don’t mind if I do, but I’m better at repairs than I am at fabrication. Inventing things, or cutting out of whole cloth and imagining an outcome is hard for me. I’m sure I could “apply myself” to it, and learn how to be inventive, but I am running low on energy. I still have time left in the second half of my life, however, overtime is not guaranteed. Neither are tips.

In my household we share a lot of chores, and responsibilities. Some things are easier than others. Even with labor saving machines, and indoor plumbing, there are a lot of details to keep track of, as mundane as it sounds. Some things have to be done on a regular basis, and are hard to keep track of. That is something else that benefits from a partnership. There is no job that is beneath us. Sure, some things are easier than others, and some things one person does better than the other, and some things outside of our capabilities, but we communicate, and work it out. Intentional incompetence is not an option.

1990’s

We still talk. It took us a long time to learn how we communicate. It’s not enough to “be in love” or anything of the sort. It’s hard work. Luckily, I had a feeling deep in my primitive brain stem, and took a leap of faith that put us on the same track. It hasn’t been easy. She is incredibly smart, and a person who hates secrets. I am a person who has secrets, mostly because I live moment to moment and forget things. I’ve never had to wonder what she wants to know, because she will ask me. Somehow, it works. She is the first, and the last, and the always. She knows things about me that no one else ever will. And that is the collaboration I always wanted.

We don’t have to be the main character, all the time. It’s good to play a part, and let other people play a part, and sort it out in a way that makes sense for everyone. If you’re lucky, everyone pulls the same way, the same weight, and elevates their lives. You take a chance that the edifice will crumble, but you can break each other’s fall, learn from the weaknesses, and build back better. Teams, bands, workplaces, families. Everything that is human is accomplished with other humans.

Build on that.